


My vampires can kick your vampires' ass

by loveinadoorway



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-28
Updated: 2011-07-28
Packaged: 2017-10-21 21:29:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveinadoorway/pseuds/loveinadoorway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title: My vampires can kick your vampires' ass<br/>Disclaimer: I wish I owned anything, but I don’t, of course. If I owned Joss Whedon, I’d totally make him write us an SPN musical episode.<br/>Rating: PG-13<br/>Genre: gen<br/>Word Count: ~594<br/>Characters/Pairings: Dean, Sam, Xander Harris<br/>Warnings: Vampire beheadings, blood spatters and drinking<br/>Summary: An unexpected meeting of people from different vampiric universes</p>
            </blockquote>





	My vampires can kick your vampires' ass

The crossbow was aimed unerringly at his heart.  
Dean snorted in disbelief. The young man wasn’t even blinking. He wore an eye patch over one eye.  
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, dude?”  
“Slaying vampires, actually.” California voice, dead serious.  
“And if that’s what you’re doing, why the hell are you aiming that fucking crossbow at me? I’m here for the same fucking reason!” Dean snarled.  
“Yeah. Right. Newsflash, dipshit. Vampires lie. So… not gonna take your word for it, okay?”  
The sound of a gun being cocked made the one-eyed man freeze.  
“Take mine, then.”

“Hiya, Sammy, what the fuck took you so long?”  
“Had to parallel park the car.”  
“Douche bag.”  
“Who is your friend here, Dean?”  
“Dunno, didn’t introduce himself. Aims to slay vampires, though. With a fucking crossbow, no less, can you believe it?”  
“Bet he also carries stakes, huh?”  
“Of course I carry stakes. Vampires, duh?” said the one-eyed man indignantly.  
“My turn to say newsflash, dipshit. Vampires can only be killed by beheading them. Stakes, garlic, all just a fucking myth.” Dean said gruffly as he picked up his duffel bag. “Now, you stay here like a good civilian and let us do our job.”  
“No way. I’ve hunted vampires for years and I am telling you you’re wrong. Oh, yeah, beheading also works, but the stake to the heart, it’s a classic. Pouf, vampire dissolves into a cloud of ashes and smoke. Bingo.”  
“You know, Dean, let’s just take this joker with us, he might not be safe out here… given how naïve he is.”  
“Naïve? Xander Harris has been called many things, but naïve… naïve is… damn, it’s totally one of them.” The one-eyed guy quipped, with a lopsided grin.

There was a total of 4 vampires inside the nest. Dean and Sam used the element of surprise to their advantage and lopped off the heads of one vampire each with their machetes.  
Xander rammed a stake in vamp #3’s chest with a smug grin on his face.  
With a sickening wet sound, the vampire plucked the stake from his chest.  
“Jesus, how lame are you? A fucking STAKE?”  
Xander froze, horrified.  
A second later, he was spattered with blood, as Dean used the vamp’s distraction to behead him from behind. Sam tried to corner the 4th vampire, but he escaped by bursting clean through the rotting wall.  
“Shit, Sammy, shouldn’t have let him go. He’s got our scent now…”  
“I know, I know…”  
“Dudes, they… they couldn’t be staked. And… their faces… they didn’t grow all bumpy and grrrr, they just sprouted those teeth…” Xander was ash white.  
“Well, Xander, the theory says that vampires were created by demons. Different demons at that. So, it figures that they might be different, depending on which demon created them.”  
“Okay, so… California has bumpy vamps who can be staked and Kansas has second set of teeth vamps who must be beheaded? Shit.”  
“Yeah, dude. And our vampires can totally kick your vampires’ ass!” Dean laughed, as he slapped Xander’s back. “Beer, I think. Nowish. Whadday say, Xander?”  
“Totally.”

A few hours later, they were still drinking.  
“So, the whole thing went kaploooey and then the vampires were gone and now there’s dozens of these slayer chicks running around, eh?”  
“Yup.” Xander nodded a little bit too enthusiastically. He’d lost count of the beers, to be honest.  
“Man, I gotta get me one of those. Betcha they’re bendy. Are they bendy, Xander?”  
“Totally.” Xander hiccupped.  
“Man… slayers… Can you introduce me to this Buffy chick, then?”


End file.
